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Avalanche Sharks (2013)

Review by CJ

Avalanche Sharks

Director:
Scott Wheeler

Starring:
Alexander Mendeluk, Kate Nauta, Emily Addison

Other notable appearances:
SKOOKUM!

Running time:
82 minutes

Watch this if you liked:
Sharknado, Swamp Shark, Sharktopus, Shark Night, Bait, Ghost Shark

 

I hope I get this right, because I’m not entirely sure I know what was happening. It’s spring break at Mammoth Mountain and two snowboarders go missing. In Jaws style the authorities refuse to close the mountain despite skiers and snowboarders dropping like flies to the Skookums (Native American sharks possibly from outer space who swim through snow). It’s up to US Marine Wade, the mountain Sheriff and their girlfriends to stop the Skookums before it’s too late.

Avalanche Sharks has some of the best worst lines I’ve ever heard in a bad horror movie (yes, that even includes the menstruation joke in Sharknado). They’re few and far between though considering, let’s face it, cheesy lines are one of the main drawing points to b-grade horror films.

One of the tweets I saw for Avalanche Sharks indicated that if Sharknado made too much sense then this was the movie to watch. It’s true. I love these types of movies. I really do. Ghost Shark? She’s just seeking revenge for her death. I get it. Sharknado? I can see the logic behind how it works. Hilarious logic? Yes. Unlikely? Absolutely – but it’s still there. I had NO idea what was happening during Avalanche Sharks at points. It’s a flashback sequence, there’s a story told within the flashback sequence, and the history of the sharks is changed slightly every time it’s told – sometimes they’re from space, sometimes they’re to do with Native Americans, there was a shaman involved somewhere … Look, it’s just best not to think too much about it, okay?

Plot holes aside (because that’s to be expected and only adds to the hilarity) Avalanche Sharks was not as fun as I thought it would be. It was funny, silly and downright hilarious at times. However, most of these occurred early in the movie and towards the end there were many time I found myself looking for distractions between avalanche shark attacks.

Overall Avalanche Sharks is a decent representation of b-grade natural horror flicks. It’s not the best of the worst, but by no stretch of the imagination is it the worst of the worst.

Rating:
3 Cheese

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